Article 7743 of alt.tv.beavis-n-butthead: Path: taco.cc.ncsu.edu!lll-winken.llnl.gov!sundance.llnl.gov!fastrac.llnl.gov!usenet.ee.pdx.edu!cs.uoregon.edu!news.uoregon.edu!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!howland.reston.ans.net!europa.eng.gtefsd.com!newsxfer.itd.umich.edu!jobone!lynx.unm.edu!ug.eds.com!manzanar From: manzanar@ug.eds.com (Sean Manzanares) Newsgroups: alt.tv.beavis-n-butthead Subject: The List of Quotes that does not SUCK! Date: Tue, 19 Jul 94 07:32:13 GMT+5:00 Organization: EDS Unigraphics, Cypress CA Lines: 209 Message-ID: <1994Jul19.113213.1@ug.eds.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: vxd1.ug.eds.com Uhh, like some fellow cornholeo's like, uhh, asked for these or something. disclaimer: I have been saving these from this thread so, like dont bitch at me for like typos and stuff. Rock on DILLWEEDS!!! ------------------------------------------------------ I am Cornholeo!! I need T. P. for my Bunghole!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------- Beavis: Battery Acid....Cool! Butthead: Dude that's not cool. A new battery will cost like 2 dollars. I don't know where we're gonna get that kind of cash! --------------------------------------------------------- Bh: Can I have a hug? Bv: Don't touch me asswipe. I'll wound your inner child, and then I'll kick your ass. --------------------------------------------------------- Beavis and butthead are watching a video(I can't remember which one) Butthead: Hey, Beavis, when was the last time you used a raincoat? Beavis: Last night..., on your mom! ---------------------------------------------------------- Butthead crawls into a pipe and eventually gets stuck... BH: "I'm like, stuck." B: "That's cool." BH: "It's not cool, Beavis. I'm not sure yet, but I think it sucks!" ------------------------------------------------------------ BnB watch George Thoroughgood's Bad to the Bone video where they're watching guys playing pool & Beavis tells Butt-head that he used chalk on his wiener & and when Butt-head asks him why he did it, Beavis says, "Well, ya know, 'no pain, no gain'"? ------------------------------------------------------------- from sperm bank episode Nurse: Okay, get to work. [zipping sound] Nurse: I mean on your tests! Beavis: Sorry. Nurse [to Beavis]: Where's your container? Beavis: We were supposed to use a container? -------------------------------------------------------------- BV: Heh heh, I see voices too! They like, tell me to stay home from school, and like, break stuff! And theres these other voices that, like, tell me to do even cooler stuff! Like, this one voice, told me to take this gum wrapper, and like roll it up into a cone, and stick it in the butt of a giant horsefly, and like it flies up and keeps flying up to the ceiling! And then it dies of exhaustion!!! HEH HEH, HEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!!! BH: Settle down, Beavis! --------------------------------------------------------------- BH: That girl looks like that chick in the mall. BV: That CHICKEN? BH: No, dumass! I said CHICK IN THE MALL. BV: Oh, you mean that chick that works at Chick Fillet, that chicken place? BH: Beavis you buttmunch! Get your thumb out of your ear and put it back in your butt! BV: Butthead I think you said CHICKEN. BH: You're STUPID, Beavis! ----------------------------------------------------- BH: 'cause like, its some stuff, like that if they play your video, it's like, huh huh... uh.... what was I saying? B: You were like talking about all this Metallica stuff. BH: Oh yeah. B: Uhhh.... BH: Well, anyway it's like the band isn't like supposed to be pissed at Mtv if like they pay 'em or something... huh huh..... ------------------------------------------------------ Hey Beavis, is this video, like supposed to be in the future or something? The future sucks, Butthead! Change it! I'm pretty cool Beavis, but I can't change the future! ------------------------------------------------- B&BH in a supermarket eating something Shopkeeper: Hey, are you goin' to pay for that? BH: Yeah, I guess so... Shopkeeper: Well, you guessed right! BH: Oh yeah? uh hu, what have I won? --------- "I hope you have insurance, 'cuz I'm about to KICK your ASS." --------- "Stop.. in the name of all that which does not suck" ---------- "Dude. It is the most radical empire to all that which is radical" ---------- "Shut up Butt-Head, you say one more thing about Metalica, I'm gonna slam you in the nads!" "Whoa! Go on with your bad self Beavis." ---------- Beavis - "Shut-Up ButtHead. You can't rock a ryme!" ButtHead - "No, but I can kick your ass!" ----------- During a video set to a slow song and featuring head shots of beautiful women: Butthead: "Call now for live, one on one conversations...." [It was the Tpau (sp?) video. She's kind of whispering lyrics in a breathy voice like the those ads] "Share your intimate thoughts" "Dollar ninety-five a minute" "must be 18 or older" BH : "This Chicks name is..T'Pau" B : "Yeah - thats Spanish for this sucks" BH : "Hey Beavis - if we had a dollar ninety-five we could call up and share our intimate thoughts" B : "Yeah - we could tell her she sucks" ----------- The best video reaction yet was for the Rod Stewart/Bryan Adams/Sting video. Beavis is screaming and they both start to gag. Then Butt-Head: Ohh, dear Lord. ---------------- Beavis: "It's MY grape sucker!" Butt-head: "It's not gonna taste like grape after I shove it up your ass!" ---------------- I'm gonna get a tattoo of a BUTT. Well I'm gonna get a tattoo of a butt, ON my butt. Oh yeah? Yeah. Well I'm gonna get a tattoo of a BUTT, with a BUTT-shaped tattoo on it, and I'm gonna get it right on my BUTT. That would be cool. ---------------- Beavis is not dog food. Beavis is WORM FOOD! ---------------- My favorite is during the Georgia Satelites video when Butthead remarks of the lead singer, "He looks just like my cousin, Richard Head". ---------------- Mr BUZZCUT: "BEAVIS, I ORDER YOU TO SAVE YOUR FRIEND" BEAVIS (dipping toe in water) : AAAAAAGGH!! The water's too cold! ---------------- Todd: who're the preschoolers who parked their sucky trikes in my spot? (B&BH raise their arms) Todd:If my arm didn't hurt so much from my new tattoo, I'd smear your asses all over this parking lot! bh: cool! Todd: Gimme your nachoes and cherry fruity whip and I'll let you live! bh: okay! --------------- b:why didn't Todd kick that guy's ass? bh: he's gonna wait til later, when his girlfriend's around! ----------------- "dammit, this video's been on for two minutes and this chick's not naked yet" ------------------ BT: Uhuh, huh, huhuh, uhuh................never mind. B : .....never mind. BT: Why are you always repeating me, Beavis? B : No, why are YOU always repeating ME, Beavis? BT: If you do it one more time, I'll kick your ass !!!! B : I'll kick your ass !!!! BT: You repeated me again, Beavis !! B : No, you repeated me again, Beavis !! ******* A fistfight is the result of this conversation. ******* BT: That was cool ! B : Yeah, that was cool ! -------------------- B: Hey, check it out... A dripping faucet! BH: Yep, and where there's a dripping faucet, you know there's a toilet close by... B: Yeah... And wee-wee, and boobs, and butts, and stuff... BH: Yeah, a little something for everyone! ------------------- I'll take "stuff that sucks" for $500, Alex . ( B'n'B watching a Sisters of Mercy video ) ------------------- The one where B&BH are in spanish class... Teach: Senior Butt-Head, como est Juan?? BH: UH-HUH, UH-HUH, burritos? T: No, No! Como est-Juan? Como est-Juan? BH: UH-HUH, guacamole? T: No, no. Senior Beavis, Como est-Juan? B: UH...spaghetti!!! BH: huh-huh spaghetti! T: spaghetti? That's italian you moron! Dammit you two idiots have been in this class for almost an entire school year, and the only spanish you know is what yo u've learned at Taco Bell! And Beavis cant even get that right! I'm gonna give y ou little bastards just 10 seconds to come up with a sentence in spanish, and if you can't, you're both going to the principals office and you're both flunking! ...........Well, I'm waiting! BH: UH-HUH,HUH, UH-HUH,UH-HUH, rendo plararahg neninig blahblah, blahblah Rico Suave! T: Principal's office now! B: UM.....taco supreme! T: Get out! Now! -------------------------- During the B&B Christmas special last year, they "duh duh" to the first part of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" from The Nutcracker! A classic quote immediately followed : BH : Uh, huh-huh, this is cool! B : Yeah, it sounds like Ozzy! _____________________